Den of thieves! Stupid, stupid, stupid thieves!

Ok, so I was planning on running last night and 2 things conspired against me.  First off, it was, like, 1,000,000,000 degrees outside when I got home.  101 according to the TV.  At 6:30pm.  101 FREAKIN' DEGREES!  AT 6 FREAKIN 30 IN THE EVENING!  What is up with that crap.  Sure, I've done stupider things (like attempt a 6.5 mile run after a week long layoff that included a trip to the emergency room, but who's keeping track, really?) but this fact alone brought me 75% of the way to calling the workout.

The second thing that pushed me over the edge (litteraly and figuratively) was the morons and thieves at Regions Bank.  Let me give you some back story:

About a year ago my lovely wife and I bought a house.  Union Planters Bank holds a portion of our note.  No problem.  We make a few payments and then get a late payment notice.  My lovely wife calls them and it turns out they have the wrong initiation date for our loan.  They think we bought the house 25 days before we really did, so all of our payments have been late.  We didn't know this because they hadn't sent us any kind of statement, we had been working off of the original loan documents.  UPB gets bought by Regions.  Good.  Maybe they'll get some people who aren't stupid to work there.  Boy how wrong we were.

My lovely wife works on them over the summer and we find out that they not only correct our initiation date, but also pay us forward 3 months.  "Good!" you say?  Oh, no.  Still no statement.  I tell my lovely wife that she needs to tell them to apply the alleged pre-payment to our balance and send us a statement.  This is back in June.  Still no statement.  I tell these fine sub-primates that if they want any payment from me, they will send me a statement and they can apply this alleged pre-payment to our payments.  When the credit runs out, they can either send me a statement or screw off.

Flash forward 3 months to August and we get a call from a knuckle dragging collections agent.  In fact, we get 9 calls from a knuckle dragging collections agent.  When I finally get the idiot on the phone (you know, it's an automated caller to confirm you're really there) I calmly explain that if they were as persistent in providing proper documentation and customer service as they were in collecting money then we wouldn't have this problem and that our conversation was over until I saw a statement.  He says "We'll mail it right out [this is last month, mind you].  Is you address (blah blah blah)?"  I tell him "Um, no. My address is (bleh bleh bleh).  You're off by 2, dummy.  If ya'll wanted to foreclose our neighbors would be pretty pissed.  How do you write a loan for a house AND SEND MAIL TO THE WRONG *(&$&^(@*#&^ ADDRESS!?!?!?"  I was no longer calm at this point.

He said to quit yelling.  I said to quit being an idiot.  Send me my statement.  Then I hung up on him.

2 weeks later, no statement, 9 more calls.  I finally catch the mouth breather on the other line and tell him I don't have a statement and have nothing else to say to him.  I give the address again and tell him not to call again until I get a statement or some documentation proving that we have a loan, showing our principle, and what interest we're being charged.  Until then he can politely screw off.

Flash forward to yesterday.  My lovely wife calls me on the way home from work bawling.  This isn't good.

The knuckle dragging sub-primates at Regions called again.  Still no statement, mind you.  He threatens my wife with foreclosure (can't happen for several reasons I don't have space to get into) and trashing her credit and other nastiness.  She says "send me a statement" he says "only customer service can do that, and they'll just send you back to me, so wire the money already".  She politely says "no", and if you know my wife you know the only way she says anything is politely.  He insists, she resists.  Finally he gives in and transfers her to "customer service".

He transferred her to a phone sex line.

I'll let that sink in for a sec...

 

That's right, A PHONE SEX LINE!!!!!

 

That's what I said.

 

So, I call them back and pull off the gloves.  Regions Bank is officially my hobby.  This Neanderthal is going to lose his job if I have any say in the matter.  Those bastards are going to pay.  You don't make my wife cry and get away with it.

 

So, I didn't run last night.  If the weather persists as it is now, I won't be running tonight.  Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe I'll get a statement.