Q: How many flower pots does it take to smoke a brisket?

A:  2

 

Plus 1 hot plate, a pie tin, the grate of a 13.5” tabletop grill, and some hickory chunks.  Don’t forget the thermometer and a couple of bricks to lift the contraption off the floor.  An extension cord wouldn’t hurt, either, nor would just a touch of fill dirt to get the hot plate level.

 

Yes, it works.  And it makes a fantastic tasting brisket and pork roast.  How do I know?  I did it for Memorial Day.

I stole the idea from Good Eats (hosted by Alton Brown) who made a smoker out of 2 terracotta pots.

 

The logic goes like this:

Metal smokers radiate most of the heat created by coals through the metal.  The best and most efficient way to smoke some grub is to dig a hole, throw some hot rocks and coals in the bottom, wrap your meat, toss it in the hole, and cover it for a few hours.  The earth around the hole not only retains the heat—placing it in the food where you want it—but also helps maintain the temperature at a more constant level.  Don’t have a big old hole?  Well, what’s a clay pot? 

That’s right, a big old dirt hole.

Take 2 of them (one upside down and placed on top of the other) and you have a big old covered dirt hole. 

The hot plate keeps a steady temperature as opposed to coals that you’ll have to baby sit, stir, tend and provide a constant stream of air.  Too few coals and it is “Hello salmonella!”  Too many coals and it gets too hot and the wood catches fire.  The hot plate never gets hot enough to burst the wood chunks into flame, only hot enough to smolder them which is exactly what you want them to do.  Bursting into flames means it’s too hot plus you get the char taste on your nicely smoked meat.  If you want barbeque, do barbeque.  If you want smoked meat, do it right.  There’s a reason that people who smoke food start the evening before and camp out with the smoker.

Speaking of having to camp out, because of the rain I was forced into my garage with the door open.  With a metal smoker—because of the radiant heat—my garage would have been about 200 degrees.  However, because of the insulative properties of clay the pots were hot, but not so hot you couldn’t actually touch them with your bare hands.  Being trapped inside of the garage with the smoker was actually a pleasant experience, not a sweltering hell.  That means it’ll be pretty safe on a balcony of an apartment and you don’t have to worry a lot about it burning your house down.

Since the heat stayed where it belonged the meat cooked pretty fast.  My cooker maintained a steady temperature in the range of 200-225 degrees and smoked a 3lb brisket in just about 4 hours.  The 5lb pork roast (tenderloin, yum) took 3 hours.

Plus it’s cheap.  A cheap smoker (metal Old Smokey) runs about $35 to $45 depending on where you find it.  On sale it’s probably $25 at some places.  My flower pots cost $15 and $10—14” terracotta pots.  The hot plate was $8, the grill grate was $5 (I had to buy a tabletop grill and steal the grating).  The pie plate was an additional $3.  The thermometer—a replacement unit for a traditional grill—cost $1.00.  Total cost for the contraption:  $42.00.  There was no babysitting required, only a glance out the window to make sure there was still smoke—no smoke means the wood burned off and it was time to replace or add wood.  Give between an hour and an hour and a half per pound and you know how long a nap (or run, you freaks) you can take.  (Personally I suggest taking a temperature reading of the meat at the start, then measuring again in 30 minutes to see how fast it’s heating, then do math to figure out when it’ll be done.)  Even a good coal/wood powered smoker won’t let you get away without babysitting the thing.

Finally, it’s portable.  It’s as big as 2 clay pots, pretty light, and works anywhere you’re within extension cord’s length of an electric outlet which includes just about every state park in the great state of by god Texas.

 

Benefits:  it’s cheap, efficient, worry free, portable, and produces excellent food.

Draw backs:  strange looks and a lot of MacGyver cracks at your expense.  They shut up fast with well cooked food in their mouth, though.

 

I’ll have pictures to prove it on Yahoo soon.