That's it. You're not welcome in my living room any more.

Tonight I’m busy.  Tomorrow I run.  Riding will have to wait until the weekend.  Weekend warrior bonus:  paintball and barbeque!

 

Rant mode, “on”.

------------------------------------------

 

I’m not scared about the avian flu.

I’m not scared about terrorists living under every rock.

I’m not scared about identity thieves.

I’m not scared about carbon monoxide leaks.

I’m not scared about radon poisoning.

I’m not scared about catching AIDS.

I’m not scared about masked gangs of thugs roaming the streets and stealing my house.

I’m not scared about the sun exploding.

I’m not scared about global warming.

I’m not scared about a nuclear holocaust.

I’m not scared about planes falling out of the sky with or without me in them.

I’m not scared about computer hackers.

I’m not scared about spyware.

I’m not scared about growing old.

I’m not scared about dying young.

I’m not scared about nuclear reactors being built to power our nation.

I’m not scared about inflation.

I’m not scared about deflation.

I’m not scared about a bust in the housing market.

I’m not scared about a boom in the housing market.

I’m not scared about oil prices.

I’m not scared about gas prices.

I’m not scared about the cost of my property taxes.

I’m not scared about sexual predators who may or may not be in my neighborhood.

I’m not scared about rouge cops.

I’m not scared about thieves pretending to be rouge cops.

I’m not scared about thieves pretending to be anything.

I’m not scared about kidnappers.

I’m not scared of mold.

I’m not scared of lead paint.

I’m not scared of asbestos.

I’m not scared that my breast implants are going to strangle me or whatever.

 

Did I mention that I’m not scared of nonexistent bird flu epidemic?

 

I think that covers all of the stuff the idiot newsreaders want me to be scared of over the past several years.

 

Just stop trying to scare the hell out everybody all the time and get back to reporting the $%(*&$ news!!!!!

There’s a reason nobody is watching.  There’s a reason nobody cares what you have to say.

It’s because you don’t say anything anymore, you just try to scare the hell out of everyone all the time.

You have created a vacuous and vapid world where people are afraid to let their children play in the street with their friends.  You’ve created a world where people are afraid to walk to their friends’ houses to enjoy a night together because they’re afraid of…  of…  everything.  The boogie man or some such.  “They” will shoot you without even blinking.  Who are “they” you ask?  You tell me.  You’ve created a world where people worry and fret for no reason whatsoever.

 

Is my ice machine killing me?  No.

Is my air conditioner killing me?  No.

Is my coffee maker killing me?  No.

Is the air in the plane killing me?  No.

What about my home’s shingles.  Are they killing me?  Not them, either.

Am I eating tainted meat?  Probably not.

It’s hot outside?  No shit.  It gets that way just about every 12 month in Houston and stays that way for about 6 or 8 months.  It’s called the changing of the seasons.  I’ve got a 2^nd grade science book that’ll tell you all about it.

Thieves on the prowl?  Will I be next?  Likely not.  Howabout you just tell me where I should pay attention and who I should be looking for rather than run a story from a neighborhood where they’re not even prowling (“home intruders in a neighborhood just like this”) just to scare the pasty white frightened suburbanites?  Huh?  Would that be too much to ask?  Huh?!?

The government is wasting my money?  Really?  Hey, look, the sky is blue, too!  Maybe you should run an expose’ on gravity while you’re at it.

There was a murder?  In Houston?  Nooooo….   I’m astonished.  You know, I heard there was gambling going on in Casablanca.  Maybe the story isn’t that there’s a murder but what’s going on to stop them from happening (or what’s not going on).  Maybe put pressure on the establishment of both government and society, the way a free press is supposed to work rather than merely scare the hell out of the citizenry.  But that would take work.  That would take effort.  Something beyond putting one of the “pretty people” in front of an intersection, feigning concern, and acting as if it were a great horrific tragedy when the actual tragedy is that every time a gun goes off dollar signs light up in the eyes of the news director.  If it bleeds, it leads, right?

 

Here’s a thought:  if there’s not 30 minutes of news to report, cut your program short.  I dare you.  Quit inventing stories.  Run real news stories for 10 minutes, then look right into the camera and say “That’s all the news.  Seriously, we’re at the bottom of the pile.  Read a book for the next 20 minutes, then tune in to Nightline.  Or talk to your family.  Whatever, we’re just not going to treat you like stupid little emotional idiots anymore.  We’re switching to the test pattern in 5, 4, 3, 2…”  That’s a helluva lot better than 20 minutes informing us how we’re about to die from a disease that isn’t even happening.  I dare you.  I double dare you.  I double dog dare you.  I triple yellow dog under the front porch with a ham bone dare you!  But you won’t, because you’ve lost your way.

 

Bunch of freakin’ morons.  You’re not welcome in my living room any more until you shape up.

 

Rant mode “off”.