Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Cranky

Ok, you stupid, stupid, stupid commuters.  It’s not enough that I have to sit behind you and put up with putting on your makeup in traffic.  It’s not enough that you’re going around the world to the left (blinker on constantly) and when a spot does open up you’re expecting all of traffic to stop just for you.  It’s not enough that you expect the lane of traffic moving at a good steady clip to slow down just for you while everyone behind you is being forced to slow down and look at that long strip of concrete in front of your car when all you need to do is speed up 5mph and you’ll not only match the speed of moving traffic, but also be able to merge without causing any headaches for anyone (but you don’t want that you inconsiderate boob).  It’s not enough that your phone conversation is more important than you actually driving in such a manner that won’t imperil everyone around you.

No, that’s not enough.

No, you also have to roll your damn window down, honk at the guy next to you, and ask him if you can merge.  Yelling and screaming is one thing—and a special kind of stupid—but you condescend to an even stupider level of politely asking the guy—at agonizingly slow speeds, mind you—if you can pull over in front of him.  Meanwhile he slows down to listen to you, you slow down to talk to him (yes, I was close enough to actually hear the conversation over all the horns honking) and everyone behind the both of you have to slow down too.  You plugged up 40% of the west loop.  I hope you’re proud of yourself.  I hope your whole family is proud of you.  You moron.  That’s what a blinker is for.  You know, that pretty flashy blinkey light on the side of your steering column?  You know the thing YOU NEVER FREAKING USE!!!!  Your entire village should be burnt to the ground and your family should be forced to change their name (if they’re not already doing so voluntarily).

 

No, that’s not enough, either.

 

No, you freaking morons also have to show up in my parking garage and idle up and down the lanes—IDLE!!—while EVERYONE is stacked up behind you.  Then come to a stop, turn on your blinker—NOW YOU USE YOUR BLINKER!!—and pull into your parking spot.  YOU DON’T NEED TO SIGNAL YOUR INTENTION TO TAKE A PARKING SPOT!!!!  If I were behind you I might have tapped your bumper just to make a point.  Good thing I was 5 CARS BACK WATCHING YOU BE A MORON YOU STUPID STUPID MORON!!!

No, that’s not quite enough, either.

No, one of your idiot friends has to pull her big fat suburban assault vehicle into an empty spot—not the next spot, mind you, but the one just past the empty spot so that the next person (me) is forced to park in the spot in between or go searching for another spot—and then kick your door open into the LAST FREE SPOT ON THE LEVEL AND TAKE UP 2 *(%(#&^@#$(%*&)&^$ SPOTS!!!  IS YOUR BRAIN EVEN PLUGGED IN!??!?!?

So, we had to sit through the idiots on the freeway, then the idiot in the garage, and now I have to wait on you to finish whatever stupid shit you’re doing while your door is hanging out into the last open spot on the floor.  Thanks.  Way to start my day, you stupid, stupid, stupid moron.


That said, though, it’s actually a pretty good day.  The weather is nice, the temperature is nice, my back is feeling better than it has in 2 weeks, and I’ve heard they now have devices that capture audiophonic recordings and hold them within the device so that you can recall the particular sounds at any time you wish to do so.  Plus these magical devices fit in a pocket, or on a strap, or on a clip so that you can carry the device with you rather than having to bring an actual band along.  I will be investigating these devices for my marathon training.

Did I mention that the little prince is beginning to smile.  That is, before we got him his immunity shots.  After that he screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and slept and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and slept.  But at least he won’t be voted off the island.

1 Comments:

Blogger Vic said...

Don't even get me started on the traffic. I may have to join your rant.

10:55 AM  

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