OK, waiters...

First, a running update:

Come October 1 I’m going to begin really training for either the full or half marathon.  Earlier if the kid starts to sleep better.

 

Now for my (near) daily rant.

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I just read an article about some waiter advocacy group that’s pushing to make restaurants add an automatic gratuity of 20% for service.  For big groups, I understand that.  The combination of the increased level of work that goes into serving a big group and the complete lack of math skills when more than 2 people attempt to work fractions means that if left up to the diners the tip would either be too small or ridiculously large.  To protect the waiters and the diners slap an autograt on the ticket.

 

But if me and my wife are going out to eat and the restaurant tells me that the ticket for my dinner for 2 will be automatically bumped by 20%, I’ll turn around and walk right out.

 

Not because I’m stingy, mind you.  I like to pop a good tip to a good waiter and I’ll even request that waiter the next time.

 

But I’ve had to call the restaurant that I’m sitting in and request the waiter come and bring me some water (or my check, or my food) far too many times to even fathom automatically tipping crappy service. 

 

“Hi, Bennigans.  I’m looking for someone who works there.  He’s a waiter.  About 5’10”, blonde hair, kind of young.  I never got his name.”

“Yea, that’s Ray.”

“Have you seen him in the last 30 minutes?”

“Sure.  He’s working right now.”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s working.  If you look to your right a little you can see me.  I’m at one of his tables and I haven’t seen him in at least 30 minutes.  Tell him I’m leaving in 30 seconds whether he brings that check out or not.”

 

Yes.  That was an actual phone call to the greeters at the Bennigans on Kirby at US 59 a few years ago.  No, Ray didn’t get a tip.

 

“Um, yes.  This steak is raw and I ordered it an hour ago.  In an hour ya’ll should have been able to cook a steak medium well.”

That was Steak and Ale on Mangum at 290.  No, that waitress didn’t get a tip and that manager bought my dinner.  I even told them that the last time we were there we had the pleasure of being served 2 glasses of water in 20 minutes before seeing the waitress.  The only reason we hung out for 20 minutes is because we were talking for 15 minutes before we realized nobody had come to take our order, then wanted to see how much longer it would take for someone to finally come over and work.  5 minutes later Teri stopped by our table and informed us that she’d be our waitress.  I told her that the opportunity for that to happen passed 15 minutes ago and we left.  I wasn’t rude, we didn’t make a scene.  We just got up, thanked her for finally stopping by, and left.  We ate at Chili’s and gave the waiter a big fat tip because he was a GOOD WAITER.

 

Yes, if you’re a crappy waiter I’m going to stiff you.  If you’re really crappy your manager is going to find out about it.  If you’re really really crappy you two will buy me dinner.

 

You’re a waiter.  You work largely for tips, or at least you should work for tips; they shouldn’t come for free.  That’s what’s known as earning your pay.  You wouldn’t expect a fat, gnarly stripper to get auto-tipped, would you?  No (unless you’re in to that sort of thing).  Do a bad job, get bad tip.  Do your job adequately, get the average 15 – 20% tip.  Do a good job, get a good tip.  I bet that waitress who got the 10k tip the other day didn’t bring out cold food or let water glasses get empty—and I bet they didn’t autograt the tickets, either. 

 

Do a bad job enough times, consider getting another job.  That’s why I quit waiting tables.  Don’t sweat it.  Some of us just aren’t cut out to be waiters.  Lack of tips can be great motivation to either get better at what you do or study hard and get a better job. 

 

Crappy jobs tend to have that motivating effect.  1 summer of working in a lumber yard was enough motivation for my little brother to get his college degree and a job with air conditioning.  I think when my son gets old enough daddy will get him a job at a construction site one August.

 

Of course, the natural flip side to this is don’t stiff good service, you rotten cheap skates.  Take care of your waiters.  There aren’t enough good waiters out there for you to be stiffing them.  We don’t want the good waiters to quit.  We want the good ones to hang around and give up that dream of being an actor/actress.  Take care of the good ones.  Love them.  Buy them toys and houses and cars and such.