Gym membership

The marathon registration is officially closed as of a few days ago.

I didn’t get registered in time.

Nuts.

Ok, I’m over it now.

 

It occurred to me that my lovely wife and I have a gym membership at the local Y and neither of us have actually attended since before July, probably closer to May.

It then occurred to me that most people treat their gym memberships like they treat their life, home, or auto insurance.  It’s something they pay for monthly, but hope they never have to use it.  Think about it, you pay All State or Geico monthly *just in case* you get in an accident or your house gets hit by a tree or something, but you hope that you’ll never have to cash in.  Meanwhile, you pay Bally’s or 24 Hour Fatness or the YMCA monthly hoping that you won’t look in the mirror and actually decide you have to go in.

It’s kind of like “Flab Insurance”.

What they need to do is have a 24 hour hotline for you to call in case of fitness emergencies:

Operator:  Hello, this is Karen with the YMCA, what’s your fitness emergency?

Me:  Hi, Karen.  I just got off the scale and I weigh 300 lbs.

Operator:  Sir, is there a lock on your refrigerator?

Me:  No, and that may be part of the problem.

Operator:  Sir, step away from the refrigerator and waddle into the front yard, if you can make it.

Me:  Ok, it’s a long way to go.  Is it ok if I stop and take a breath?

Operator:  That’s no problem.  It’s just very important that you get away from the refrigerator.  We’ll be sending a flatbed truck to pick you up and bring you to our emergency fitness room for detoxification.  Can you give me your gym membership number?

That’s how it would work in a perfect world.