America's Got Talent is sports... really

Ok, so it’s cheap entertainment, but at least it’s entertaining.

America’s Got Talent is quickly approaching the great finale show.

I’ll admit it, I’ve been watching.  It’s entertaining.  Get off my back.

 

Here’s my breakdown of the top 10:

Top 3—Millers, Passing Zone, and that Biancha chick.  They’re clearly the top 3 talent.  If that Biancha chick hooked up and sang for the Millers that would flat out rock my world.  Any one of those 3 groups can win this thing.

The rest—

“Rapping Granny” is a side show suitable for state fairs, charity events, and high school assemblies.

Quick Change is boring (yes, they’re talented but I’m tired of seeing the same 90 second show every freakin’ week.  If you have a 90 minute show it should be perfectly simple to pick any of the other 59 90 second segments from the show, but no, you’ve done the same damn 90 seconds week after week after week.  When the only judge to give you honest criticism gave it, you ignored him.  He didn’t say to change the act, he said to do something different.  Seriously I could lay down a path on the stage where you walked for each of the shows you did.

Realis is cool, but that chick freaks me out.  It looks like she has a super bad tan.  She’s very bendy, though, and super hot, but she should sue that tanning salon.  Otherwise she’s got a very lucrative career in straight-to-DVD movies ahead of her.

All That is tap dancers…  I’ve seen River Dance and Stomp.  I’m done with that.  Too bad you guys weren’t around 5 years ago when that act was hot.  You’re super talented and put on a great show, but last time I checked it wasn’t 5 years ago.

At Last…  you’re a singing group that reminds me of Boys to Men.  Too bad you weren’t around 15 years ago and in Phili.  That act would have blown up there (and then).

Irish Spring…  These guys were good.  Again, though, I saw River Dance and I’m totally over that.  Seriously, I can watch Irish dancers at the local pub for free—complete with bagpipes and everything.  Plus I don’t have to sit through a little child trying to dance solely for the cute factor.  Because of that alone I think you should have been kicked out of the competition.  Talent shows are no place for additions simply for cute.

Taylor Ware…  speaking of cute, she’s the yodeling chick.  She butchered an Alan Jackson song last night by singing it too fast so she could yodel at regular speed.  Just like the Quick Change people, I’ve seen this act 3 times and am now bored with it.  Yodeling is cool—once.  It’s still pretty neat the second time.  After that it’s an irritating shriek in the background (yet I like bagpipes).  Not to say that yodeling isn’t a talent, it’s just not a talent that I want to hear any more.  I can balance a multi-million dollar trust statement, but that doesn’t mean you’re willing to pay to watch me to do it.

 

That all said, I can’t believe that the magician What’sHisName isn’t in the finals.  That dude was flat out good.  Plus he was original (and better) each week he was on the show.  He did 3 acts and each act was completely different and better than the one before.  Somehow he managed to get beat that arrogant prick and his lady (Quick Change) in the Wildcard show.  I don’t get it.  America might have talent, but the entire country is completely devoid of intelligence.

 

Tonight Blue Man Group will perform.  Those guys bug the crap out of me, too.  I don’t like them.  I think they’re idiots and their entire act is retarded.  But don’t take my word for it.  Join the slobbering masses and watch them then tomorrow talk about how great and cool they are even though you’re wrong and they suck.