Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Have you ever noticed...

Have you ever noticed that the “media” will fall all over themselves to tell you what a suspected child molester ate while on a plane heading across the ocean?


Or more importantly, they’ll breathlessly race to offer sensitive state secrets on the air such as the specific intricacies of a planned military maneuver days or hours before the event actually occurs, or the details behind covert financial tracking systems, or details behind covert detainment facilities, or details of interrogation (torture?) techniques.  You know, information on the mousetrap so that you can design better mice.  Seriously, who doesn’t know how the US will invade Iran (not that a war with Iran is imminent, it isn’t, I’m just sayin…)?


But they refuse to give the location of the “website frequently used by jihadists to post messages and videos”.  Sure, a million billion idiot porn surfers clogging these websites would make surveillance tough for the good guys, but then again, if the bad guys know precisely where and when the soldiers are coming, they might be prepared, or if they know precisely how their money transactions are being tracked, they might figure a way around that, or if they know that you’re tracking satellite phone signals (or that you even can track the signals) they’ll switch to horse-back courier routes instead of phones.  I mean, they’re providing other information to the crazy terrorists and handcuffing our ability to track and neutralize these vermin, why not keep blabbing about their other lines of communication and let us try to hack, flood, ping, or otherwise hijack their stupid websites?  I’m sure a few million uploaded videos to the site would prompt registration requirements…  then track those who are registered, hunt them down, and kill (sorry, keel) them.  Besides, if a 13 year old boy (another 1000 hits) can manage to take down an entire corporation with a stupid virus, maybe a million 13 year old boys (another 1000 hits) will manage to take down some ter’rists.  Plus, it’d be nice to know these idiots are getting those stupid “Nigerian Prisoner” and “herbal Viagra” e-mails as well.  [As an aside, I’ve seen the new twist in the Spanish Prisoner/Nigerian Financier scam I’ll share some time soon.  It cracks my ass up.]




You log into terrorists dot com and a “Convenient Internet Access” truck shows up across the street with a “Flowers By Iris” truck and they park there for about 3 days.  “Gee that install is taking a long time, Abdullah.”  “Yea, Abdallah, it is.  And they like their flowers, too.”  Then Abdullah and Adballah vanish on their way to pick up some milk, butter, and nitro glycerine at the corner terrorist store.  Just like that, they’re gone.  I’ve just solved the terrorism problem.  Give me some money.



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