Speed Humps

I know, I know…  speed humps are great for neighborhoods.  They stop people from flying down your street between busy roads to avoid traffic.  They really are great at controlling speeds and should be a staple on any residential through-street that isn’t a main neighborhood artery.

 

They’re designed to limit the comfortable speed of cars in a neighborhood to 20mph.

 

They are excellent suburban and residential planning tools.

 

What they are not, however, is a speed bump, or stop sign, or electronic gate.

 

Let me repeat that for clarity.

 

Speed humps limit the comfortable speed of a car to 20mph.  They are NOT speed BUMPS, or stop signs, or some kind of magical, electronic, invisible gate.

 

So, to you wonderful, delightful folks out there who insist on coming to a near complete stop at these things in your giant trucks…  QUIT IT ALREADY!!!  They’re designed to go over at speeds up to 20mph—not come to a complete stop before you reach it and slowly creep over it.  IT’S NOT THE HIMILAYAS!!!!  It’s a slight rise in the pavement meant to remind you that HEY, DUMMY!!  KIDS ARE PLAYING AROUND HERE AND YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN A LITTLE!!  It’s not meant for you to come to a complete stop.

 

I’m a big fan of driving carefully in neighborhoods.  On more than one occasion I’ve whipped eggs at cars driving too fast down my street.  Residential roads are not drag strips.  But you damn idiots that come to full stops at speed humps are going to get yourselves rear-ended, and you deserve it.

 

Also, I plan to run a few miles tonight.  (GASP!!)  Yea, I know.  Shocking.  Like electricity or something.