Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Congratulations, America!!

Well, America, you should be proud.  Stand up, hold your collective head up high, you’ve done it again.

 

You’ve created something out of absolutely nothing.

 

What the hell am I talking about?  The “Balloon Boy” fiasco, of course.

 

No, no, no…  you didn’t make that man into a completely vacuous pain in the ass who is forever going to chase his 15 minutes of fame.

 

Well…  you didn’t completely make him into the monster he has become.

 

You DID watch “Wife Swap” and vote him and his awful family back on that awful show for a second appearance.  You did watch all the other reality TV tripe that is continuously fed to you day in and day out.  You do obsess over what the latest celebrity of the week is wearing, or doing, or who that celebrity is doing, or where, or when, and with what.  You do insist that the news covers car chases, and now balloon chases, and hang on every drop of contrived drama anywhere and anytime in the world when it’s really none of your business.  The only reason the paparazzi has a job is because you lap up the magazines and TV shows that their images pollute.  Maybe, just maybe, if it weren’t for you Princess Di would still be alive?  Yea, I’m going to guess that’s the case.

 

So, no, you didn’t completely eviscerate any kind of nobility within that man and make him try and turn his family into a set piece for yet another one of your mind-numbing idiot parties for thirty minutes to an hour each day.  But you did create the environment where a monster like that could not only survive, but thrive.

 

So, congratulations!!  You’ve done it again!!  You’ve demonstrated that not only do you not have a shred of common sense rattling around in your collectively empty heads, you’re still hanging on every line and word that comes out about that story.  You’ve gotten the news, culture, government, and society you demand and deserve!!

 

Some of you, though, still insist there could and should be something better.  With you fine folks, I commiserate.  Please resist the rising tide of mental laxity that they represent.  And don’t worry, they haven’t gotten this far down the page because some celebrity farted about 10 ago and they quit reading this to find out what a celebrity’s farts smell like.

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