Two-fer Monday

Yet another sign society is broken:

The Nigerian scam works.

People lost, on average, $5,000 to this stupid, preposterous scam.  Quite frankly I’m astonished that people fall for it, though I shouldn’t be.

Basically you get an (unsolicited) e-mail from CAPTAIN DANIEL BSONGO CHRISTIANSON or some other stupid name (all caps, though) claiming that you are a GOOD CHRISTIAN BROTHER and FAITHFUL HELPER.  Because of that he’s asking your help IN TRANSFERRING FUNDS FROM AN ACCOUNT that once belonged to A HIGH LEVEL DIPLOMAT or some other minister in the government.  You see, he was the former secretary, or his father was, or something like that and he knows about THE MILLIONS STOLEN FROM HIS COUNTRY but nobody else does.   Of course, it’s sitting in some bank account and he NEEDS YOUR HELP in transferring the cash because if he tries to do it THE MINISTRY OFFICIALS WILL TACK HIM DOWN AND KILL HIM.  So you give a fax number, set up an account, transfer some small amount of cash—say, $5000—to cover set up fees, then $25,000,000 will be transferred in and $22,500,000 will be transferred out leaving you with a healthy bank account in a foreign land untouchable by the feds.

 

Never mind the fact that someone is asking you, A GOOD CHRISTIAN BROTHER, to steal from a HIGH LEVEL DIPLOMAT.  Nevermind that you, A GOOD CHRISTIAN BROTHER, are being asked to assist in the laundering of MILLIONS STOLEN FROM HIS COUNTRY.  Forget for a moment that the only reason you’re being contacted at random is because some crook is looking for someone who happens to be both greedy and stupid, two traits that are biblically incongruous with A GOOD CHRISTIAN BROTHER.  No, forget all about that stuff and send the foreign stranger $5000.

 

You deserve to lose your money, you stupid greedy chump.  And that piece of advice just cost you another $500.  I’ll be waiting for your check; make it out to “cash” and be sure to put “because I’m stupid” in the memo field.

 

If you’re stupid enough to fall for this, AND stupid enough to report it to the feds, you should have your name printed in a list and published annually in every newspaper in the country so that the rest of us can have a shot at separating you from your money you stupid, greedy chump.

 

Meanwhile, drop $5 and rent “The Spanish Prisoner”.  It’s the same scam, but the movie is 15 years old and based on an even older scam that’s about 600 years old.  Nothing is new under the sun. 

 

But please, please don’t wise up because I have some ocean front property in Arizona I really want to sell to you.  I’ll even throw in the Brooklyn Bridge and some moon rocks for free.