Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Stupid strays

Ok, so there’s a bunch of stupid stray cats roaming around my neighborhood.  Maybe they’re owned by someone, maybe not.  I don’t care.  When they’re laying in the middle of the street, eating birds outside my window, jumping at my cats in the window, making my dog bark at insane hours of the night, and generally being a nuisance they’re not pets, they’re pests.

Period.

So I call animal control and they say they don’t pick up stray cats unless they’re caged—and then they won’t give your cage back to you.  Thing is, if they’re caged they’re not a problem.

Hm…  what if it’s a stray dog that looks like a cat?  Will they come then?

“Is this dog that looks like a cat really a cat?”

“Well, yes.”

“Then no, we won’t come pick them up.”

 

Alright… animal control won’t come pick up nuisance cats.

Think… think… think…

 

“What if they’re dead?  Will someone come and pick up a dead stray cat?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, I don’t have a cage, but I do have a car.  What if it’s a catcake on the road, will they come then?  Or if I get a really big dog?”

“You know this is being recorded?”

“I don’t care if it’s being recorded.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my pets—both cats and dogs.  But I take care of my pets, I don’t just let them roam around and be a nuisance.  If animal control won’t come take care of these pests I will.”

“Tell you what, figure out who’s feeding them and we’ll fine the owner of the house for not keeping their cats leashed.”

“You want them to leash their cats?  You sure you don’t want me to just hit them with my car?  Or buy a really big dog?”

 

Stupid animal control.  More than willing to come snatch a family dog that happened to get out of the backyard, but when people just leave their damn cats around the neighborhood to be nuisances that’s your problem.

 

Maybe if I started offering bounties for stray cat pelts… hm.  Or if I bought an alligator—with a leash.

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