Monday, December 08, 2008


Ok, so McDonald’s has had (mostly) the same breakfast menu now for, what, 5 years?  A decade?  Longer?  How long have we had McMuffins, sausage McMuffins, McBiscuits, and sausage McBiscuits?


And for how long have those simple favorites been number 1, 2, 3, and 4 on the morning value menu?

And how hard is it to order a “number 1, no cheese, coffee, black, thanks!”?  It’s the same thing you had yesterday.  The same thing you had the day before.  THE SAME FUCKING THING YOU’VE HAD EVERY TIME YOU’VE COME TO THIS PLACE!!!


So, why does it take you 5 minutes to examine the menu?  Why does it take you 5 minutes to place the very intricate order of crap you’re about to shove down your fat piehole?  Why does it take you still another 5 minutes to find the money—the same amount it’s been for as long as you can remember—to pay for the meal you JUST ordered 5 minutes ago and KNEW they were inevitably going to ask for money to satisfy the charges for said meal?


Seriously, 15 minutes for “fast food”?  When you know good and well the ONLY reason the cars are lined up around the freaking store is because you are being idiotically slow?  Seriously?


And, just to drive the nail deeper…  why did I bother waiting when I could have driven 5 minutes down the road and STILL gotten my breakfast before you got done receiving your human interaction quota for the day?  That may be the truly pathetic part of the whole transaction…  I waited, and for what? 


Sausage, cheese, muffin, high cholesterol and early death.  Hooray, me.


I think this is the last meal I’m going to eat at the arches for some time to come.  I am hereby banning myself for the rest of the year.


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