Friday, August 15, 2008

Georgia on my mind

Yea, I know.  It was just a matter of time before I broke out the cliché title for a post about the world’s newest FUBAR region.

 

First, though, a training update.

I’m all recovered from whatever smacked me down Wednesday night.  Tonight my wonderful nephew is coming to visit, so I may only get a ride or run in, but there’s an outside chance for a swim and a run—probably not a ride.

Last night featured sit-ups and push-ups.  50 of each.  I probably could have done more sit-ups, but the arms were rubbery little noodles at the end.

I got another good night’s sleep (thank you modern medicine) and am feeling stronger than ever going into this weekend, fully 2 (or 3) weeks ahead of the big day.

 

Speaking of the big day, there’s a good chance the pool will be closed on September 6.  I may be moving the inaugural Because I Can Tri to August 30.  That’s the end of the first week of school and a good time to release stress.  I might make that move whether the pool is open or not.

ANYONE WANT TO COME WITH?!?

 

Finally, Georgia.  Georgia, Georgia, Georgia…  That’s an ugly situation.

It’s hard to muster up sympathy for Georgia.  They did, after all, start this fight.  They didn’t consult with allies, or the UN, or neighbors…  they just rolled in under the umbrella of the opening ceremonies, while the leaders of the nations that run the world were on vacation, and thought nobody would notice.

It’s sort of like your girlfriend going up to the largest, meanest sonuvabitch in the bar, slapping him across the face, and expecting you to fight him.  Sorry, honey, this is your fight.

All the same, Georgia is this chick we’ve kind of been sleeping with, and we are a little obligated to make sure this gnarly bastard doesn’t ugly her up too much.  Grab her by the wrist and drag her back to me where I’m drinking and say “is this bitch yours?”  “Yea, is she causing trouble again?”  “Yea.  Don’t let it happen again.”  “No sweat.  Why don’t I buy you a beer?”

See?  That’s how it wraps up.  She’s got some bruises on her wrists, but she deserved it.  I’m out cash for a beer, and everyone is happy.

But NOOOO…  Russia goes and grabs her by the wrists, and THEN proceeds to smack her around a little.

That’s just not cool.

What would have been appropriate would be Russia rolling into the separatist regions and sending a message to the US asking, essentially, “This bitch belong to you?”  We’d, of course, say “yea, sort of.  They causing trouble again?”  Russia would respond with “Yea, and we’re keeping these regions.  Got it?”  We’d say “sounds fair” and then smack the government of Georgia around via diplomatic back channels for being so freaking stupid.

But no…  Russia has gone too far.

I’m not President, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express one time, and this is how I’d resolve this situation.

 

Me, to Russia:  there’s a cease fire agreement on your desk right now.

Russia, to me:  Yea.  So?

Me:  Well, you have 24 hours to sign it and roll your troops out of Georgia and back to the separatist regions.

Russia:  and if we don’t?

Me:  You don’t have to.  But in 24 hours we’re going to have our planes flying over Georgian airspace.  If your pilots so much as sneeze in a hostile manner, we’re turning them to dust.

Russia:  That’s not such a good idea.

Me:  We’ll have my planes and your planes figure that out.  My hunch is that my planes shooting at your planes is a much worse idea for your planes than it is for my planes.  24 hours after my planes start flying, we’ll start bombing Russian positions on the ground within Georgian territory.  It’s been a pleasure working with you.

 

See?  Done and done.  Russia doesn’t want war with the US.  And the US is the only nation in the world that can realistically stand up to blind Russian aggression…  and win.  Besides, maybe this is the war the Pentagon has been itching for over the last 50 years.

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